I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
