i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
