I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
