Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
