oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize