I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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