Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize