Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
