i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
