she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I love you.
Bad choice
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
