He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
