11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
