If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
