A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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