I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
