Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
