I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
