I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
