Your face is a jimmy john
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
