i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It's never too late to be topless.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize