Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
In America we eat man semen.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
