is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize