I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
