Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
