Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
