my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
