Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
