so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
