So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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