Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
