I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
i now understand why vodka
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
