How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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