I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
