He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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