How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
