Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
