Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
