Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize