Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
