And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
