Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
