Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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