I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize