So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
