At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
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