i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize