Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
