I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
