I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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