u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
