Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
