i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
