You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
