dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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