Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I bet he comes in French.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
