Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
