You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
