this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
so let's talk penis.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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