im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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