she was so not down for the gang bang
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
