i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i think my mom watched the whole time
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
