She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
