A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
