I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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