It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
