You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize