that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
